Originally posted Feb. 14, 2012, at Faith Formation. Republished with permission of the author.
At our staff meeting today we discussed the various kinds of love:
eros — romantic (often sexual) love
filio — friendship (brotherly) love
storge — affection (as for a child)
mania — compulsive, fixated overly enthusiastic (i.e., pyromania, cleptomania)
agape — unconditional love
Clearly there are many ways to express each kind of love. In our discussion, though, we agreed that agape is the only kind of love that is lavished upon the “other” with no conditions or expectations.
Each of the others (except mania, of course) can grow into the unconditional and abiding love that is agape. But eros, filio and storge all start out with the lover developing some sort of hope or expectation of the other.
I offer now what I wrote some time ago about what it means to say “I love you” in a way that shows the transformational power of love upon both the lover and the beloved.
Three words
I
One single letter that contains all of me. One single letter that points to my body, my mind, my hopes, my priorities, my personality, my pain, my fears. “I” represents whatever it is that is standing on this side of the next word in the sequence, which is “love.”
Love
A four letter word that contains all that a human can say about being drawn beyond the limits of “I.” It it is more than attraction, although that may be where it begins. It is deeper than commitment, although without commitment there is no love.
“Love” describes the consent spoken by “I” to be united with (indeed grafted to) whatever it is that is the “other,” the “you” that follows the word “love.”
You
“You” are not “me,” of course! “You” are the someone or the something outside of my skin, beyond the line of what “I” am. But because “I” have proclaimed that there is “love” between us, I have declared my consent to let “love” create a permeable membrane between “you” and “me.”
And when the “you” in the sentence is God, my willingness to love “you” causes a transformation where “I” begin to dissolve. Your love is so immense that “you” saturate my being. My heart melts into yours and bursts with magnificence that encircles every moment of my day — at least every moment when I am willing to say: “I love you.”
Loving God enables me to hear God say “I love you” to me, which frees me to look at another “other,” another “you,” and say, “I love you!”
Find a link to Pamela Czarnota’s blog Faith Formation at Lutheran Blogs.
You might also like to read:
Loving your enemy, even if you don’t mean it (Part 1)
What exactly is an abomination?
Small congregation renews mission to share God’s love
You've got it backwards. God loving us is what enables us to love God.
To be more pedantic, I would argue that mania is the closest to unconditional love in your list. Consider pyromania, for example. What are the preconditions for wanting to play with fire? Nor will getting burned stop my pyromania.
Also, I think we need to stay mindful of the fact that sin tends to prevent us from having unconditional love.
True-- the only reason we can love anybody or anything or event want to do so is because of God's love -- always, all way. In this reflection I was focusing upon the process of transformation as "I" look at what happens to "me" when God's love expands my heart to the point where the words "I love you" are spoken.
Sin does mute or distort our ability to hear or see God's love lavished upon us all the time. That is why we gather at the foot of the cross and around the table. Christ opens our ears, our eyes, our hearts and minds -- all so that we can live as people who have been sensitized (and saved by) God's love.
Interesting idea about mania being the closest to unconditional love that we can muster. Something to think about.
Thank you for your comment.